


Where do you go, my lovely

by anactoriatalksback



Series: I cannot drink too much of Brutus' love [3]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Almost certainly dubious relationship dynamics, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, M/M, Oh Richard, Porn with Feelings, Richard Is Bad At This, Richard makes a valiant attempt at dirty talk, Richard says 'harlot', Roleplay, ambiguous conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-09 12:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12276360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anactoriatalksback/pseuds/anactoriatalksback
Summary: Jared swallows. This part's always - he hates this part. He hates the shame, the warring parts of him that want him to push Richard away for his own good, and the part that wants to clasp Richard to him for as long as Richard can stomach him.He hates this part.He loves this part.





	1. Carmen

Jared lets himself into his apartment. His head is low, his brow furrowed. He's worrying at his lip.

He jumps when the light clicks on.

'Where have you been?'

Richard's sitting in his drawing room. He's in a pool of light - Jared's reading lamp, over his favourite chair. Richard must have been sitting, in the dark, waiting for him. He's always had a touch of the dramatic, Jared knows.

He's rising now, slowly. His eyes are fixed, accusingly, on Jared's. Jared can feel his pulse speed up.

'I - I was visiting Mildred at her retirement facility. Have you - '

'Lies', says Richard. He's coming towards Jared now, half in, half out of shadow. 'You're a terrible liar, Jared. Now where - FUCK!'

Richard's tripped over the edge of the carpet, by the sounds of it. He has a flair for the dramatic, but moving in shadow while glaring accusingly at someone else is a recipe for disaster.

'Richard!' Jared hastens over - it's his place, he's made too many insomniac hunts for a glass of water or a mediaeval illustrated manuscript of sea serpents for the carpet to trip him now - 'baby, are you okay?'

He gets a hand on Richard's elbow but his - friend? Captain? Lover? - wrenches himself angrily away.

'No!', he says. 'Where. _Were_. You. Jared.'

Jared starts. Looks away. He feels Richard's hand under his chin. Twisting his face around. Those blue, blue eyes are huge in Richard's face, boring into Jared.

Jared swallows. His eyes fall.

'No', says Richard. 'Eyes, Jared. Where were you?'

Jared swallows again. Raises his gaze to Richard. He can feel his lips quiver.

'Richard, I - '

Richard's lips curl. 'That's what I thought.'

Jared lets out a breath. 'Richard, baby, I'm so - I'm so sorry.'

And he is. He can feel the guilt, the backwash of his creeping compulsions, leave their sticky contrails over his skin, his soul.

He doesn't know why he does it. He has everything - _everything_ \- he ever wanted in Richard, his Richard, his North Star, his Captain, his beautiful red cardinal with his blazing mind and fierce ambition and that driving want that somehow, _miraculously_ , he's bent on Jared.

And Jared's throwing it all away.

Because of these stupid, tawdry, pointless, sordid encounters that never, ever give him what he want, and leave him spent, empty, feeling that he could boil his skin off and never feel clean again, could never slough off this _thing_ that he is.

This thing that Richard still - somehow - wants.

Wanted?

How long can he want it?

Jared reaches out a timid hand. He doesn't dare to touch, but he wants to. 'Richard, I - '

'No!' Violently, Richard lurches back. His fingers are in his hair. 'I can't - I can't _look_ at you right now.'

Jared swallows. This part's always - he hates this part. He hates the shame, the warring parts of him that want him to push Richard away for his own good, and the part that wants to clasp Richard to him for as long as Richard can stomach him.

He hates this part.

He loves this part.

'Richard, I - '

He crawls over to Richard. Blindly, hungrily. He knows he must look ridiculous, shuffling in the dark, but he needs, oh he _needs_.

Carefully, so carefully, he rests his head against Richard's thigh. Richard jolts, but doesn't push him away. That's - good. That's easier than Jared deserves. Sometimes it's - more of a struggle. Sometimes Jared has to chase Richard. It's - undignified, especially since Richard - oh, Richard _wants_ to be caught. He wants _Jared_ to catch him. He wants to listen.

Richard still wants Jared.

Somehow, he's still here.

But this time, there's none of that. This time, Richard lets Jared's head come slowly, carefully, to rest against his thigh.

This time, Richard's hand alights softly on his head. His fingers - his clever, clever fingers - card delicately through Jared's hair.

Jared can't help the hum of pleasure that escapes him. He never feels so - so tended, so _safe_ \- as when Richard's fingers are through his hair, never feels so soothed as when Richard's absent-mindedly rubbing circles against his scalp. 

It feels like absolution, it feels - 

And then it stops. Of course it stops, Richard's remembered, he's remembered the - the abandoned creature he's with, abasing himself at his feet, lapping up his generosity, the balm of his care.

Richard's fingers are still in Jared's hair, but Jared can feel the tension now. 

'I forgot to ask', Richard says, and his voice sounds like it's coming from very far away. 'Who was it?'

Jared buries his head against Richard's thigh.

'Jared? Who was it?'

Jared licks his lips, knows Richard must feel it even through the denim of his jeans. 'I - nobody you know.'

Richard's fingers tighten in Jared's hair. Not painful, but a warning. 'Jared, don't lie.'

Jared shudders, he can't help it. 'Carmen.'

Richard's fingers twitch in Jared's hair. 'Carmen?'

Jared nods, fearfully.

There's a silence.

And then Richard's fingers move. Down to the base of Jared's skull. Snapping his head back, painfully. Jared hisses.

Richard's bending over him, their faces inches apart. 'Carmen again, Jared? What is she, what does she have, _baby_?' and Jared shuts his eyes at how ugly the word sounds in Richard's mouth. 'What does she do, what does she let you do, come on, Jared, I'm curious, is there anything, what does this, this _bitch_ have that my, my hungry little s -' Richard stumbles over the word, but he lurches on, ' _slut_ keeps going back?'

Jared swallows. 'Richard, I know you're angry, but darling - '

'No', says Richard, and there's a high brush of scarlet on each of his cheeks, oh if Richard knew how beautiful he was like this, 'You are, Jared. You're a filthy, ch- cheating, wh-slut.'

Jared shudders. Licks his lips. Opens his eyes to see Richard watching the movement.

Richard's tongue darts out, wets his own lips. He rushes his next words, like he's afraid. 'Say it.'

'Say it?'

'Say 'I'm a filthy, cheating whore.''

Jared takes in a shaking breath. Richard's fingers tighten, painfully. ' _Say it_ , Jared.'

Jared says, in a whisper, 'I'm - I'm a filthy, cheating whore.'

Richard shudders. His other hand comes around to cup Jared's cheek. 'Good. That's - that's good.'

Jared nuzzles against Richard's palm. He wants to be good, so good.

And then the hand's gone, and Jared's head is being pulled up.

'But you didn't answer my question. What did she do to you, Jared?'

'Richard', says Jared, pleading, 'do we have to do this?'

'Yes', says Richard, 'yes, and you don't get to, you don't get to tell me what we have and don't have to do. What. Did she. Do. To you?'

Jared licks his lips. If he - what can he get away with - 

'Jared', says Richard, and his voice is soft, but Jared shivers at his tone, 'I'll know if you lie to me.'

'I wouldn't - I wouldn't lie to you, baby.'

'Lies', says Richard, 'So - so unscrupulous. But you won't lie now, will you? Jared? You'll be, you'll be good for me, won't you?'

And Jared nods, eagerly.

Richard sinks down in front of Jared. Lets go of Jared's hair, and Jared sighs in dissatisfaction at the loss of contact. Keeps staring at Jared.

'If you won't - if you're not gonna tell me, Jared. You could. You should. You should _show_ me.'

Jared lifts his eyes to Richard's.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Oh, Jared does love this part.

Richard's looking at him. He gives him a little nod. 'You're gonna show me what filth you've been, been fucking despoiling yourself in. And then, Jared, I'm gonna make you remember whom you - '

'Belong to', whispers Jared.

And is rewarded with that bright, nervous giggle he loves so much he thinks he can't  _endure_ it sometimes.


	2. Why wilt thou follow lesser loves?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sex, some chatter, Richard wringing his hands about being Richard.

'So', says Richard, 'show me.'

Jared wets his lips. 'We - we started with kissing.'

Richard nods. Leans forward. 'Like - this?'

His dry, slightly chapped lips brush against Jared's, a chaste, unbearably sweet salutation. When he pulls away, Jared follows, chasing after.

'Harder', Jared says. 'She - she kissed me harder.'

Richard nods, crushes his mouth to Jared's. It's awry, the angle's off, until he lets out a frustrated huff and yanks at Jared's head to fit their lips together and oh  _yes_. Tongue thrusting into Jared's mouth, impatient, hungry, a little too wet, a little too much the way Richard gets, teeth digging into Jared's bottom lip, and Jared gasps into Richard's mouth.

Richard draws away, panting. He grins at Jared, more a baring of his teeth than anything. There's blood - Jared's blood - on his lips, and Jared can't help the thrill of satisfaction that goes through him.

Richard says 'And?'

Jared blinks at him. Richard's colour's high in his cheeks, and Jared's blood is on him, and Jared - just - 

Richard says, a little impatiently, 'What did you do next, Jared?'

Next? Oh, next. Jared says 'We - I - took off my clothes.'

Richard sits back on his heels. 'Go on, then.'

Jared grabs for his sweater. Richard says 'Slowly. Put - ' he coughs, 'make it - make it a - a show. For me.'

And Jared tries, he tries. He's trembling, hazy with lust, so he's not sure how much of a show he can put on, but he tries. He pulls off his sweater. He unbuttons, slowly, his shirt. He rises as gracefully as he can to his feet to pull off his trousers. He passes a surreptitious hand over his cock to ease some pressure - 

'No', says Richard. His breath is coming faster, and his cheeks are scarlet. Jared may not have much of a career as a stripper, but here's one audience he thinks he can please. 'I saw that, Jared.'

'Saw - saw what, Richard?'

'Saw you - touching yourself. You - ' Richard swallows, 'you can't leave it alone for even five minutes, can you? You - you greedy little - little  _harlot_. You're always - always after it. Never satisfied, are you?'

'I need it, Richard', whispers Jared. Adds, 'I need  _you_.'

Richard's nostrils flare. 'What did you do next?'

Jared thinks, rapidly. If he says they went straight to the penetration, missed the foreplay, maybe he can - 

He doesn't think fast enough. Richard digs his nails into his leg - those chewed-up nails that are doing better after Jared's ministrations, but still feel ragged against the soft skin of Jared's inner thigh. Jared yelps.

'I know when you're lying, Jared.'

Jared looks down, at the little crescents rising against his thigh. His cock twitches. He draws in a ragged breath. Lowers himself to the ground.

'We kissed. Each other's bodies.' Jared looks at Richard in sudden hope. 'Richard, may I - '

'No', says Richard, immediately. 'You don't touch me unless I say so.' He shuffles closer. 'Where did she kiss you?'

Slowly, Jared's hand reaches up. Touches his neck. 'Here.'

Richard attacks Jared's neck, there's no other word for it. Scrapes his teeth down the column of Jared's throat. Sucks bruises onto the skin. Jared will have to wear a turtleneck tomorrow - in the middle of a California summer - if he's to have any hope of covering up the marks.

Not that Jared has any intention of covering them up.

He's arching into Richard's touch, closing his eyes as Richard savages his throat. Richard raises his head, asks 'Where else?'

Jared moves his hand to his nipple. Richard bends his head. And oh Jared knows that he probably needs to speak to Richard about his compulsive biting behaviours in the office, but here, it's just - he throws back his head in pleasure as Richard nips and licks and sucks and swirls.

'Oh, Richard.  _Richard_.'

Richard hums in response. Raises his head. He's so beautifully flushed, his lips so red. 'Where next?'

And Jared can feel Richard's erection against his thigh. Richard's wanting too, Jared could so easily flip himself over, ask Richard to take him, take him back, it's there. it's right there....

Instead, Jared moves his hand down to his inner thigh. 

Where Richard nuzzles and laps and grazes his teeth with painful, searching intent. Jared's fingers curl into the carpet.

'Oh, Richard, oh gosh, oh, oh,  _oh._ '

Richard rests his head against Jared's thigh. His chest is moving very fast. 'What - what next?'

Jared hesitates. Richard looks at him, then is on him in a flash, crawling up Jared's body.

'What did she do, Jared?'

And Jared's trying, he really is, but all he can think of is a whispered ' _please_ '.

Richard cocks his head. Bites his lip - his kiss-swollen bottom lip, oh if Richard would only let Jared touch him, but he knows, he knows he isn't allowed, he doesn't  _deserve_  to. Richard leans in closer, closer, until his lips are breaths away from Jared's, and Jared opens his mouth for Richard, and Richard says 'She - she flipped you over, didn't she, Jared?'

 _Yes_.

'Yes, Richard', says Jared eagerly.

'She- she kissed your back, didn't she, Jared? She went - went to fucking  _town_  on that fucking - fucking beautiful ass?'

Jared nods, obediently.

Richard sits back. Motions for Jared to move. Jared turns himself over onto his stomach.

Richard taps him on the thigh, and Jared can't hold back his shudder. 'How did she have you?'

Jared pillows his head on his arms. Pushes his ass up in the air. Gasps as Richard swats him, not gently.

'No, Jared. You said she kissed your back first, remember?'

'I'm sorry, Richard', says Jared, and it's not like him to forget, but oh, when Richard moves into the dance, when he takes control like that, it's all that Jared can do to remember which way is up.

Richard presses down on the small of Jared's back and he lowers himself. Jared can feel the rustle of Richard's jeans, then that familiar beloved weight as Richard straddles him.

Richard's hands come up on either side of Jared's head as Richard slides down the length of Jared's back, nibbling and sucking and licking and raising great welts on Jared's back. Oh, the feeling of having his naked body held, pinned, by a fully-clothed Richard, the carpet against his own trapped, painful cock, Richard's erection chafing his back through his jeans, as he rubs, to and fro, up and down...

Jared pushes up against that sweet, torturous drag, he can't help it. He squawks when Richard digs those chewed-up little claws into his shoulders.

'So impatient', says Richard, in a voice so rough Jared shivers. 'My greedy little slut.'

Jared moans. 'Richard, please, I need - '

'You'll get it', says Richard. It sounds like a promise. It sounds like a threat. 'You'll get - you'll get what's coming. To you.'

Oh  _yes_.

'I can', says Richard, as he grinds himself against Jared, 'I can - I can  _smell_  her on you. You know that? You - you  _reek_.'

Jared can't say anything, can only shiver.

Richard moves so his lips are by Jared's ear. So that with every word, every puff of air, Jared's hair stirs. 'What am I gonna have to do, to get that - that  _stench_  off you, Jared?'

Jared pants. Richard continues 'If I came on your back, your ass, your face, would that help? If I - if I painted you with it, would it - if I - I made you keep it, sit in it, no - no showering, until - until I knew that it would be me, only me?'

And Jared can barely think for the onslaught of images, himself, awash in Richard, inundated, soaked in Richard, Richard seeping into his skin, his pores, Richard in him, for him to keep - 

' _Yes_ ', breathes Jared. 'Please, oh  _please_ , Richard, do it,  _mark_  me, Richard, Richard,  _Richard_.'

Richard's cock twitches against Jared's ass, and Jared bucks up into it, he can't help himself. Richard nips at Jared's ear, once, in warning, in admonishment. Jared moans and stills. 'Do you - do you deserve my come, Jared?'

Jared shakes his head. 'But I will. I'll - I'll  _work_  for it, darling, I'll be so good.'

Richard shivers. 'We'll see.'

He moves off Jared and Jared whines at the loss of contact. Richard taps Jared's thigh. 'Up.'

Oh  _yes_. Jared brings forward his knees under him, raises his ass in the air.

'Higher', says Richard. His voice sounds a little strained.

Oh  _yes_. Jared lifts higher, presenting himself to his Captain.

Richard places trembling hands on his ass. He can hear him swallowing. 'So fucking beautiful', he says. 

Jared knows he's too tall, too thin, he knows he bends at strange angles, he knows there's too much and not enough of him, but his body gets the job done and he shouldn't complain about it, his faithful vessel, his home. So he doesn’t. But he never thought to ever feel vain, or prideful, until Richard breathed out his first choked, startled words of praise. He knows Richard wants him and he still doesn't quite understand why. But when Richard's clutching at him, when he digs in so deep that it snags and smarts the next morning, when he's calling Jared beautiful as though the words are forced from the very depths of his being, as though he can't help himself, as though he's blurting out a secret that he wants terribly to keep but can't.....

Oh, then Jared feels like he’s unfurling, blossoming, opening in the sun. He feels like a four-leaf clover, like a perfectly-preserved seashell with the grit brushed away by the fingers of a child. It’s _indescribable_.

He sneaks a look over his shoulder and meets Richard’s hot, intent gaze. He blushes, the moment somehow more intimate than anything that’s gone before, than even Richard’s thin  fingers kneading his ass.

Jared moans, ducks his head. Richard is mauling him now, feverishly, bending his head to mouth at the base of his spine, moving down to bite at one cheek, then another. Jared moves into the touch, parts his legs, more, he thinks, _more_.

Richard lifts his head (‘ _No_ ’ whines Jared). ‘No, Jared. You gotta – wait.’

‘ _Please_ , Richard.’ Jared can hear the need in his voice. His cock’s erect, painful, Richard can see it. ‘ _Please_.’

Richard reaches out a hand. Wraps it around Jared’s cock. Both groan at the same time. Jared tries to stop himself thrusting into his Captain’s hand. But those long, nervous, clever fingers, and Jared wants so much it _hurts_.

Richard squeezes, once, and lets go. ‘No’, pleads Jared. ‘Richard, please.’

‘Condom’, says Richard. ‘Lube.’

Jared swallows. ‘My – my bag. Outside pocket.’

Richard reaches for the bag, fumbles, retrieves what he wants. ‘So prepared’, he says, and there’s that little edge of malice. ‘So prepared when you’re out _looking_ for it.’ He opens the bottle, pours the lube onto his fingers. ‘When you’re so – so hungry you can’t even _wait_ for me.’

Jared’s watching him, panting. His cock’s leaking now, onto his stomach. He can’t take his eyes off Richard.

Richard parts his cheeks and rests a finger, cold still (Jared hisses) against his entrance. ‘Is this – is this what you want?’

‘Yes’, says Jared. ‘ _Please_.’

‘Tell me’, says Richard. ‘Tell me what she did.’

Jared takes in a gasping lungful of air. ‘She – she put in her finger, she – oh!’

Richard’s thrust in a finger, hard. Jared’s knees tremble. Oh yes. He clenches, pulls.

Richard withdraws. Pushes back in. Circles. Rubs.

‘More’, gasps Jared.

Richard swallows. Complies. Better. Oh god, wonderful.

Not enough.

Jared pushes back against Richard. Clenches. Sucks in. Roots feverishly, seeking his touch until Richard’s hand on his spine warns him.

‘Look at you’, says Richard, quietly. ‘Look at that – that greedy little hole.’

Jared moans.

‘Fresh back from _Carmen_ ’, Richard spits the words, ‘and already can’t get enough.’

‘I can’t’, Jared says, shaking his head, and Richard stills immediately, he can feel the panic come off him. He raises his head to stare at Richard. ‘I can’t get enough of you, Richard.’

And it’s true. He _can’t_ get enough of this, of Richard, _his_ Richard with his bright blue eyes and his ridiculous curls and his thin sensitive fingers and his nerves and his restless driving want. He _is_ greedy, and he can’t be ashamed.

Richard’s eyes widen, impossibly. And then he’s kissing Jared, violently, all heat and tongue and teeth and _yes_. And then he’s scrambling for the condom, putting it on with shaking hands while Jared watches him avidly.

Richard places a hand on Jared’s hip as he lines himself up, and Jared says ‘Harder. Richard, hold me harder.’ He swallows. ‘Carmen held me there.’

A sharp intake of breath, then Richard’s hands tighten, slowly, on Jared’s bony hip until Jared gasps with the pain. He leans in. ‘I’ll – I’ll lick them afterwards, so they stand out. Would you – would you like that?’

‘ _Yes_.’

Jared will press the bruises a little tomorrow, just a little, and grit his teeth against the jolt of pain and pleasure.

Richard swears. ‘Fuck – you – how are you even – how did I _find_ you.’

‘I found _you_ ’, says Jared, he loves Richard but he can’t let him get away with that.

Richard swears again. ‘You did.’ His eyes are wild on Jared’s. ‘Tell me – tell me I can have you.’

Jared spreads his thighs further. ‘Take it, Richard. Take me.’

Richard’s fingers tighten again. ‘ _Tell_ me.’ His cock brushes against Jared’s hole. ‘You have to - ’

‘You can have me’, says Jared, ‘Anything, _anything_ , take it all, Richard, it’s yours, oh, Richard, _Richard_ -’

Richard pushes in. Oh. Oh the way it _feels_ to have Richard in him, need him, _claim_ him, it’s –

‘Oh’, says Richard. It’s such a small voice, he always sounds so – wonderstruck, so confused, every time he does this, every time he’s first inside Jared, like he can’t quite believe it – ‘oh, _fuck_.’

Jared can’t say anything, just clench imploringly. Richard groans. And then he begins to move. In. Out. Ramping up.

Jared pushes up, just a little, rutting into Richard, testing the waters. Richard gasps, but allows it. Jared lifts his ass, just a little, because oh _there_ it is, there’s the angle, there – _oh_.

Jared keens into his arms.

‘You like that?’, says Richard, roughly.

Jared sobs.

Richard eases out. Slams back in. Jared jerks, whimpers, pushes back, fucks himself. They’re both almost too far gone to hold on to much.

‘Tell me’, gasps Richard. ‘Jared, tell me you’re mine.’

‘Yours’, says Jared, and if he could engrave it on stone he would. ‘Oh, Richard, yours, yours, _yours_.’

‘Jared’, says Richard, in a thread of a voice, ‘Jared’, and that’s all the warning Jared has before Richard bends over him, holding his head down while he plunders him, hips snapping, biting at Jared’s back, his spine, his ear, wherever he can reach.

Jared claws at his carpet, screams into the pillow of his arms, rides it out.

Richard collapses over him, chest heaving. Jared turns his head, risks feathering a kiss over his temple. Richard stares at him for a long, long moment. After he seems to have gathered himself – somewhat - he puts a shaking hand on Jared’s aching, untouched cock.

‘You waited’, he whispers.

Jared nods.

‘Because I told you to wait.’

Jared nods again.

‘So good’, says Richard, and Jared preens. ‘So good.’

Richard runs the backs of his fingers up and down, and Jared whimpers. ‘So hard’, he says. ‘For – for me?’

‘Yes’, says Jared. ‘Oh, Richard, all for you.’

Richard gets a grip. Moves his hand. Jared moans. It won’t – it won’t take much, he’s been on edge all afternoon, all evening, and now –

Richard stops and Jared’s eyes snap open. ‘Wh- why - ’

‘You need this’, says Richard. It’s a question.

Jared nods.

‘You - ’ says Richard, speaking faster now like he’s afraid he won’t get the words out if he thinks about them, ‘You – you need me.’ He swallows. ‘To. To give you. This.’ His hand tightens convulsively on Jared’s cock and Jared gasps.

‘R-Richard! Yes, Richard, yes, I need you.’

Richard’s not done. He swallows again and says ‘And – and nobody else can – can give you this.’

‘No-one’, says Jared.

‘I – you need me.’

‘Oh, Richard’, says Jared, ‘you, only you, oh please, darling, let me touch you, I - ’

Richard pulls Jared in for a kiss, just breathing harshly into each other’s mouths while Richard jerks Jared furiously. He’s coming, hard, in seconds. Richard catches most of the spill, but his sweater will need dry-cleaning. As will Jared’s carpet.

 

* * *

 

 

Afterwards, Jared lies on the floor in his drawing-room. Richard cleans him up, with a cloth wet with warm water. He insists on doing this every time, and Jared lets him even though he thinks he could do a better job. Richard’s earnest, inexpert care is painfully sweet to Jared, he cherishes it, he thinks almost it’s better than what went before.

Richard tips Jared’s chin up. ‘Jared?’

He sounds worried. Jared reaches for him, rests a hand on his thigh. ‘What is it, darling?’

Richard swallows. ‘I – I wouldn’t – Jared, when I – I called you a – a whore, I - ’

‘It was perfect’, says Jared dreamily. ‘And you made me say it too.’ He wriggles, pleasurably. ‘That was new.’

Richard blushes, giggles, gnaws his bottom lip. Looks at Jared and sobers instantly. ‘I – Jared, I – even if you did, fuck, Jared, it’s not – you know it’s not – like, if you were to - ’ he swallows, ‘if you f-fucked someone else, I - ’ he stops. ‘Jared, listen to me, I would – I would _do_ that. Say. Those things. Jared, I - ’

Richard’s crashed before, sometimes, when they’ve done this, but this feels new. Jared raises himself, pulls Richard into his arms. ‘Shhhh, darling, it’s okay.’

Richard’s shaking his head, vehemently. ‘Jared, listen to me, listen to me, you have to listen, it’s _not_.’

Jared runs a hand slowly up and down Richard’s back. He’s so tense, so frightened, and Jared’s heart hurts.

Richard’s chest is heaving, and Jared’s wondering whether he should get a bucket, when Richard rolls Jared onto his back and looms over him. His eyes are wide and terrified.

‘Jared. Jared, I need you to – I need you to be safe.’ He swallows. ‘Even from me.’ He thinks, and because Richard is conscientious, he adds ‘Especially from me.’

Jared laughs, he doesn’t mean to, but he can’t help it. ‘Richard, I don’t _want_ to be safe from you.’

Richard clutches Jared’s shoulders, eyes still wild. ‘Jared, you have to – you’re not listening, you - ’

‘I’m listening’, says Jared. ‘I love you, Richard.’

Richard’s eyes flutter shut. Every time he says this, Jared’s noticed, Richard’s eyes shut. His lips quiver. His head bows. When he opens his eyes, they’re wet.

He bends and kisses Jared, frantically, again and again, and when he pulls away Jared’s lips are wet with his tears. ‘Richard, darling - ’

Richard’s holding his face and staring at him like he wants to memorise his face. ‘Stay safe for me.’

Jared smooths Richard’s curls off his face, reaches up to kiss him. ‘Richard, is this because I said I loved you? Because I can try not to say it, I - ’

 Richard’s shaking his head again. ‘No, I just – Jared, please, I need you to promise me this. Just - be – fuck – be _yourself_ . Always. Do you – please? For me?’

‘I think that’s a contradiction in terms - ’

‘ _Please_.’

Jared reaches up and kisses Richard. ‘I promise.’


	3. Mise en scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared wants to try roleplay. Richard is Richard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame @party_peacock, who suggested a discussion of explicit consent. This...is not that. But, as ever, read responsibly.
> 
> Also, because I am a self-indulgent piece of shit, this chapter refers to [; part one of this series ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11953317) Don't stress about reading it, but if this chapter is needlessly impenetrable let me know!

 

'Richard?'

Richard lifts his head to look at Jared. He's been tracing his fingers idly along the jut of one hipbone. He's in that precise and blessed state of grace where he can enjoy his CFO's pale body without needing to attack all of it in panicked hunger. Thank God for the refractory period.

Jared's looking a little nervous. There's a delicate wash of pink in his cheek, and Richard wants to  _bite_  him.

Oh crap, the state of grace is fading. Better pay attention while he still can.

'What is it, Jared?'

Jared coughs. 'When - when I told you about Laura - ?'

Richard can feel himself tensing. Laura Somebody, that little redhead whom Jared had slept with before he and Jared got together, whom Jared fucking - fucking  _goaded_  Richard with when Richard was trying -  _trying_ , goddammit - to do the right thing and warn Jared to run, to stay himself, to not let Richard _ruin_ him, but Jared was all 'Richard, Richard, she touched me here, Richard, she kissed me here, Richard, she liked my hipbones'.

Richard likes Jared's hipbones.

Jared's hipbones are for  _Richard_  to touch. For  _Richard_  to lick and suck at. For  _Richard_  to find shitty excuses to feel under Jared's chinos, to make him gasp in public places.

Jared gasps a little, very quietly, and Richard refocusses to find that his hands have tightened convulsively on Jared's narrow hip.

'Fuck - I'm sorry, Jared.'

The colour's a little higher on Jared's cheek. 'You don't - you don't have to be, Richard.'

Jared does that, Jared just lets Richard be this, this fucking  _Gollum_ , hoarding the One Ring, the One CFO, the One Best Friend Who Will 100% Go On A Killing Spree One Day, Maybe He Has Already, And Who Is Still Somehow Just...Still  _Better_  Than He Is.

Jared's tongue peeks out to wet his lips. Richard follows the movement. 'Richard? When...when you were....asking me about Laura - '

Asking?  _Asking_? Richard threw a tantrum. Richard threw the, the fucking tantrumest tantrum in the history of tantrums. He couldn't  _bear_  to think of Laura with her -  fucking...fucking Laura with her hair and her Cambridge degree. To think of Jared making those sweet awestruck gasps of pleasure, Jared looking wrecked and spent under her stupid fucking tiny hands in which Jared says his cock looked so enormous.

'Don't, says Richard. 'Please, Jared, we don't have to -'

'Richard, I enjoyed it.'

Richard takes in a breath. '....Okay, so....'

Jared says 'We could...do that again?'

Jared being with Laura again?

Jared being with anyone else ever again?

He’ll kill them all first.

His eyes fly to Jared's, and Jared says, hastily, 'Roleplay, Richard. I mean roleplay.'

Oh.

Er.

Richard swallows. It – I mean –

Okay, so. Like. Roleplay. Involves. Knowing. What’s. Happening? And. Being…Comfortable…With…That?

And none of that, none, sounds like Richard.

And the words ‘role’ and ‘play’ call to mind a kaleidoscope of horrors invoking that one time a magician called him up to stage and pulled like an egg behind his ear and he was so nervous that he vomited on stage or that other time that a stand-up wanted to, like, banter with him and he was so nervous he vomited on the table and that other time they made him take an improv class because apparently it would help him ‘be more present’ whatever the fuck that means and…

And also. Like. Dialogue.

Possibly _dirty talk_.

Which. Like. _Look_.

What they have now? Richard doesn’t need dialogue. All he needs is endless permutations of _Yes_ and _There_ and _More_ and _Want_ and _Now_ and _Please_ (a lot of that last one). Richard doesn’t need to think. For those blessed moments Richard’s constant click-clack chitter rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb just shuts the fuck up. He doesn’t even need to remember _his own name_. Jared’s is all he needs.

It’s perfect.

And now, Jared’s suggesting that Richard, like, get into character. Think of words. In character. Say them. In character. To Jared. In Character.

What if he forgets? What if he forgets, like, a cue, or a word, or, or, or – oh God – what if Jared _improvises_?

And then Richard would have to come up with _completely spontaneous_ mouth-noises for his character to say to Jared's character and have it not be a complete boner-cancer-giver?

Oh _God_.

This is a deeply, deeply terrible idea.

Jared's watching him anxiously. 'Richard? Richard we don't have to. I'm sorry, I just -'

And Richard can't endure it, the nervousness, the speed with which Jared denies himself, if Richard can give Jared something it has to -

'No I. Let's do it.'

'Richard, are you - '

'Yeah.' Richard nods. 'You'll have to give me. Like. Instructions or whatever? But. Yeah. Let's.'

Jared gives him that smile, that blinding smile that's like a fucking, fucking _tsunami_ of sunshine opening over him, that makes Richard feel like a giant, like a child, like he's being shown a secret too precious for anyone but him.

He swallows. 'So..we'd be playing...'

Jared says 'I would have come home from...an assignation. And...and you'd be...'

Richard would be furious. He'd be beside himself. He doesn't need to imagine. He knows exactly how he's felt every time Jared's reminded him that this guy, y'know, fucks.

'I can picture it', says Richard, thinly.

'Yes', says Jared. 'And you would...assert yourself. Reclaim what's yours. Like you did then.' Jared sighs. 'Richard, you were _magnificent_.'

Jared's fingers are tracing dreamily up and down Richard's torso, and Richard's feeling very thirsty. Yes, more, he thinks, press harder, yes, just like that....

'So', he croaks, 'am I - do I get. Angry. With you?'

Jared nods. 'You can call me whatever you want.' He gives Richard that look. 'Do...whatever you want.'

And oh. Oh. OH.

But no. Because - fuck - this is, this is too close, too close to Richard's like Number One nightmare scenario, it's too, he can feel whatever it is, the animal, the thing that wants to lock Jared up in the garage so nobody will ever know what Richard's managed to trick the universe into giving him and correct the like huge fucking administrative oversight, that thing, it's reaching for it, he can't, Jared can't be trusted to keep himself safe, Richard's going to have to at least try, and what a _fine_ fucking thing to ask of him, Jesus Jared, oh my friend's a, a werewolf, why don't we go on a walk through the woods on the full moon, what do you think, friend?

'No', says Richard, as firmly as he can, while his cock is cursing him. 'We. You. I. You need a. Safeword. Is that-?'

 

Jared looks surprised. 'Oh. I haven't tended to use them before, but -'

 _Jesus_.

Jared, this is not the time to tell me about your, your fucking Kama Sutra's worth of, of -

'We're using them', says Richard firmly. 'You'll. You'll say a thing when. When you want me to stop. And we'll. Stop.'

Jared nods. 'You'll need one too.'

No I won't, thinks Richard, but he nods.

Jared's thinking. 'We can implement a valve word. If I - or you - use it, we know that we can play a little - harshly, if we like?'

Richard is gaping at Jared in terror and lust. A very familiar combination to Richard when contemplating his friend. Jared Dunn. CFO extraordinaire, ornithologist, giver of exemplary head, wrangler of orgasms, inspirer of horrified boners since...whenever he was born.

He gulps. 'What's the word?'

'Well, I've been watching a documentary about Bizet, so... Carmen?'

Richard nods, slowly. 'Carmen'.


End file.
